The more I read about Aphantasia, the more so much about my memories begin to make sense. The more my struggles with reading, with creative writing fall into place.

I’ve never had a mind’s eye, apparently.

But, I’d never thought much about it. In fact, until a random Twitter post came into my feed, I didn’t know my inability to “see” things wasn’t how it goes for everyone.

I guess it’s why, I always wanted to snap a photo so I could remember things.

And why the periods of time I didn’t have a camera are harder for me to go back to.

Yet, I still am annoyed by people taking pictures and video constantly. In my thought process, your memory will be of watching a show, or a first step through a phone.

But, I guess it’s not. Most folks can cue up a memory in their mind visually and eliminate that.

That to me is wacky.

I never picture what people look or looked like. If it wasn’t for a picture of you, I don’t have a clue what you look like.

Sorry.

A simple question like “What color are my eyes?” from someone I was causally seeing in college caused panic because I told her eyes are the most important feature. So, since, I always asked.

Facts stick. Sights didn’t.

If I remember something about you, it’s either because an event was so awesome, I committed it to memory or we took a picture.

I’m now curious about how it affected my learning.

I always loved reading. But it also was always a laborious task. I was a slow reader. I reread stuff to remember it. Or write it down.

I have no idea if I actually have aphantasia, it’s an assumption. Maybe I’m just looking for an excuse or a reason for my progress or lack of it.

But I close my eyes and try to picture someone from my past. And I don’t think I see them. I remember a picture I’ve stared at hundreds of times. That’s all.

So, maybe it isn’t. Maybe it is.